Somedays I am sad...

And I read a blog post that reminded me of you. Reminded me how you must have felt and still feel maybe. I guess I could and couldn’t relate to it. I don’t even know why but I decided to mail you after 3 weeks of cutting myself off completely. It has been therapeutic, this cutting away completely. Like you said I am an ostrich and ostrich I shall be. I am glad you don’t read this blog and don’t know of its existence. Anyhow receiving that auto-response from your account surely made me feel a teeny meeny bit silly or just ridiculously foolish.
I think we grow older only to become more and more cold and numb. If this had happened a couple of years earlier I would have been broken. Now it is easier to make myself believe that it never happened. That is the only way to make peace with myself. Many days I even forget that you were there in my life for that short span of time and that you are gone forever. I imagine what it would be like to bump into you. I always think of myself as successful , happy, doing very well for herself and slim of course and one fine day we bump into each other on the street on a rainy day in London or Paris or even New York almost as if strangers were passing by.
I always always think of us running into each other in London. Silly me. You’ll be your old jovial, witty self and with an insipid girl who’ll be far removed from what I am. Yeah you have a thing for lifeless women with dead pan expressions on their faces. I‘ll be me all joyful and you’d be astounded to see me after all these years and wondering how I landed up in your city and you never heard a word of it. You’ll look at me and realize what you missed out on. I won’t feel a thing cos I wouldn’t like the you that you turned out to be. No I wouldn’t be in love with the you that you are gonna be.